and so it begins...

(Photo: Me and Brianna. This is how I felt today.)

i've been dreading making these phone calls. but i made them today.

we got our industry responses from showcase and needed to follow-up on them. i spoke to teresa (agent) about the managers who contacted me, and she advised that i hold off on working with one for now- at least until my career takes off or whatnot.

which i completely understand (don't want to put the wagon before the horse, or whatever) but also, isn't it true that the more people you have fighting for you, the better? anywho, i'm just going to see what develops in the next few months for me (since i'm done with school, scaw should be sending me out more) and then i'll take it from there.

on a side note...judy lesley from sinclair and lewis chambers from bethel were both great. it'll be nice to have those contacts.

so back to my phone call anxiety. i was just a little flustered because i didn't know how to handle the situation...do i go more for the "thanks but no thanks" approach (that reeks of the "i'm really not interested" snobbery), or do i use the "i'll give you a call in the near future" line (that inevitably makes me feel like i'm lying through my teeth. my very phony teeth). either way, i didn't know which approach to opt for.

what resulted was a confusing mix of politeness and vaguity that i'm sure didn't aid my cause one bit. i made five phone calls. and with each one i got slightly closer to the general scope of what i should be communicating...but i still felt like i didn't handle them perfectly.

and you know what dawned on me? that i shouldn't fret over what i thought these people thought of me and my unclear ramblings. honestly, i didn't embarrass myself and for the most part, i said what i needed to say and that's that.

i'm so concerned with what others think of me...and it's becoming more and more evident as i'm almost done with school that that is bullshit.

there are gonna be people who love me and my work and people who hate me and my work. and i can't let the negative juju distract me from doing my job.

in the end, i'm accountable for myself and at the end of the day, i'm the one who's living with me. so if i can just work toward finding peace for myself and my work, i have nothing to worry about.

(Photo: from "Happy Sunshine Kung Fu Flower")

on a lighter note...my family gets in tomorrow (dad, mom and grandma...brittany's flying in later). it's sure to be a happy graduation for all. i can't wait for dinner at shelly's. yessssssss.

also, i'm officially starting at lulu lemon this week/next week and i cannot wait. it's sure to be better on my soul than max brenner's and ruby foo's. i. will. never. serve. food. again.

happy sunshine is coming back may 31. lynn's returning to the show after the annie tour, and i'm stoked. the zipper loves us and we're playing the last saturday of every month for the next 6 months.

and what else...i'm way too obsessed with this blog and my youtube videos.

a demain,
brooke

(Video: Johnny Gallagher singing "The Goodbye Song" by Joe Iconis.)